I know you have seen the debates on social media around the movie Acrimony. The focus is on who’s to blame, manipulation over love, and moving on vs. regret.
There are many lessons to take from this movie that applies to real-life, and if you don’t get caught up in the plot you’ll see the many life situations that love will get you caught up in. When dealing with love, your trust and time are tested; but in reference to this film…it will bring regret.
Spotting Red Flags early:
This film showed the different forms of manipulation for an opportunist and what might come off as a slight favor is a test of weakness to see how far they can push you into depending on them. In relationships, the early signs of control will be a reveal of a deep secret, stating their problems to you repeatedly, and feeding dreams of the future. Although an opportunist will make you feel like the superhero of their life, they have been studying you for some time. You may have a connection, the finances, or lifestyle they want and once you become vulnerable and available, they attack. I want you to know they do not love you.
They love what you can do for them to get them where they want to be.
The opinion of others vs. Yourself:
The biggest issue in a relationship is the willingness to vent to people around you when things go left. A lot of people want your life and the little insight of weakness you give them will ignite the power they’ll have to guide you down the path of destruction. At the end of the day, your decision is the best for YOUR life.
The unique thing about this film was that her sisters were partially right, but once 17 plus years are invested, she ultimately made her choice under the influence of her sister.
When that little voice in your head starts to sound like a broken record player, you’re mentally and emotionally detached and begin to find yourself settling. If your partner’s dreams and aspirations overpower yours and you find yourself living for them, leave, please! In Acrimony, when she began to be played, unappreciated and overworked, that should have been the time to stand up or get out. Her dreams disappeared and everything she did was for him. This was not love, it was manipulation. DO NOT STICK AROUND for someone who does not appreciate your presence, become absent.
Never invest more in someone else more than you do yourself:
Love comes with an abundance of support and care but never for a minute feed someone’s ego by dimming your light. Yes, I know you want companionship; but it is not your job to make someone happy, and that negative energy will affect your life more than you realize.
I want a fairytale ending:
Love is not easy, but it should never be painful, and full of sorrow. Please, note the differentiations of what you go through to know one another versus being put through situations that involve embarrassment, and humiliation. That is not what love is about and that is not a part of the process. That ride or die conniption has many people believing you have to go through the bad to have your happily ever after and you DO NOT.
Moving is a process, not an overnight thing:
Although in the film it seems he moved on fast without any remorse that is not how it always is in life. Men may move on but emotionally they’re stuck. Stuck thinking repeatedly over the one that got away, the one who hurt them, and the one who they’d do anything to have again. But women detach faster because first they cry, and give chances, then lose interest in you emotionally before the relationship ends.
The best life lesson in love is to be better, not bitter. And for my hopeless romantics, if it is meant to be, you two will find each other later in life. I want to throw out the phrase I hear a lot about building someone for the next person. Stop blaming yourself for it not working out. People are put in our life for a reason or a season. It’s just a part of life to categorize which they belong in.
Please do not stalk your partner or ex on social media. This is extremely toxic and will ruin your self-esteem. I know in this tech base generation that’s the form of instant gratification that enlightens you on the interest of your partner; but this will not help you, trusting them will.
And if you have to go to the extreme precautions to do that, practice self-love. There is something deeper than those comments and likes that are bothering you. For my Ex’s I know you probably thought it was going to be forever and that they’ll never find another like you but that’s for their journey, not your business. It will not make you feel any better and will not get you guys back together.
Bonus: Support does not include Mocking
If you are going to support someone’s dreams and aspirations support it, don’t be condescending. The worst thing you can do is mocks someone journey. If you don’t have the patience, leave. That will be the best thing for you both. Times get hard during a career journey and the last thing they need is discouragement from their partner. And if you have something to get off your chest, communicate it. Do not hide it in the jokes.
I know this love thing is getting more complicated, but the biggest take away I want you guys to learn is to have self-worth. Do not be belittled or bitter from your love journey. Trust your gut and do not allow anyone to push you away from your dreams to help theirs prosper.