How to spot and address them without burning bridges. If you read that title and a name popped up in your head, that maybe you secret rivalry. Life is hard and having a support system makes it a bit easy, but as you matriculate through life and meet new people it becomes harder to tell if someones your friend. But I have some tips to help you identify one and what to do to get them out of your life correctly.
But what is the difference?
Friends: Support that you chose, to help you go through journeys in life. They uplift you and point out your faults while being honest and having your back through whatever.
Frenemies: a parasite that feeds off your energy and envies your life. They appear as a friend, but the true motive will be shown through passive-aggressive behavior.
Sighs, Pay close attention:
Befriend too fast:
A person with a malicious motive will do everything in their power to be on your team when you have something they want. They’ll get on your good side fast! They’ll also become your yes man to tear down any chance you had of leaving them behind or surpassing you. They approach you and are immediately too friendly and too good to be true. This person has so much in common with you and tells you their life story fast! This is a way to get you to open up to learn your weaknesses to use against you and ruin your reputation.
Offers to help:
They’ll be there to help you when you need it and will remind you of that all the time. This is a mental tab of manipulation, they did not help you because they wanted to but because they want you to return the favor. Do not be fooled for a second a frenemy works hard to ensure a front row in your life and any credit they can get from your mini accomplishment they’ll make sure to let everyone know it was them who made you.
You have something they want or an opportunity they desire and any step on your journey that gets you ahead, they’ll be there to downplay and discourage you. To successfully sabotage someone, you must earn their trust so they value your opinion and come directly to you with good news, this method is an insider to your self-doubt and insecurities. The minute they hear you second guess yourself they go in for the kill (your weak spots). They will later use this and disguise it as jokes go through back in your face.
The shade is in the jokes:
Once they have insight into your private life, weak spots and insecurities they start the passive-aggressive behavior. The offensive comments that are disguised as jokes, they take it up a notch when they tell them in groups of friends to embarrass you or dim your light during your moment. This will become a habit and they’ll do it more often because they tested how far you would allow them to go. Without boundaries, the process of disrespect starts.
Don’t have boundaries:
The funniest thing about frenemies is what happens in the dark comes to the light, slowly but surely. They talk so much behind your back that they get comfortable enough to stop hiding it, and blatantly do it. Once you start to accept the behavior increases and they slowly expose themselves. Remember when you told them all your secrets, and insecurities? Guess what, they have already told everyone, including people you are not fond of.
A frenemy has many tactics, but being an informant is their time to shine. They met with people that also hate on you and gossip and swap information about you and then they take this new gossip and report it to you. But do you realize it always what was said and not why it was said? What made them bring your name up? Why are they so comfortable discussing you to your friend? What did she say to defend you? Nothing. A friend that does not defend you, but report is one that is preying on your downfall.
The last straw:
It is normal to share the good news with your friends right? And as expected, they celebrate you and express how proud they are for you. But a foe will see that as you over-shining them and will downplay your accomplishments, and compare it to something they did. That not only makes you unsure of yourself, but it will make you second guess your passion. And when you ask for their opinion they beat around the bush, giving you a dishonest answer.
Pattern broken: New Level, New devils
If they are no longer a friend, do not completely cut them off. In life, there are different categories for people in your life like associates. Put them in that bracket, but address it correctly so they don’t view you as an enemy. The best approach is to slowly become unavailable to them and deny their access to you to ensure they never take advantage of you again. Try avoiding addressing and conversing issues with them. They know they are the problem, but they don’t know that you are aware of their toxicity.