This isn’t the early 2000s where people meet and converse without the internet, nowadays we match on tinder, or slide in DMs. This dating life is less romantic and more confusing.
People don’t express feelings and they rather run from the issue than fix them. Dating in 2019 is full of pride and resilience, a person rather repeats the cycle of talking rather than addressing the issue with the person they are interested in. This generation has several different forms of “dating” that a typical old fashioned person wouldn’t understand. The talking stage, friends with benefits, and casually dating but no one talks about the repercussions.
What is being ghosted?
Ghosting is when one person in the relationship simply disappears, the ghosted never knows why and the ghost doesn’t leave an explanation, they slowly fade away. This leaves the ghosted wondering what they did wrong, creating insecurities.
This isn’t new and has been around since the house phone was invented, but modernity we term things and make it a trend.
There are different types and situations associated with being ghosted:
This ghost is someone you talk on a daily, every lunch break, go on an occasional date with and slowly you talk to them less and less until eventually you never speak to them again becoming strangers. This ghost either found someone else and is talking to them more or are avoiding the confrontation of telling you they’re no longer interested in you.
The most toxic ghost is someone who you have a connection with, can see yourself with long term but something either party does stops it. This ghost is full of excuses on why they do not want to move to the next level with you and in the middle of a disagreement or out of the blue ghosts you. What is special about this situation is that they leave you without reason so they can re-enter your life thinking they still have access to you when in reality it’ll never be anything but a constantly repeated game.
The perfect one:
This ghost is an emotional player, this person allows you to get comfortable, let your guard down, give you the “perfect someone” you described in your life blueprint and after a hook-up….they are gone.
The ghost is too clingy and manipulative, they blame past relationships on their partner and claim you are everything to them… too fast. They try to get close to you and rush things with you, making things uncomfortable. After telling them your concerns and how you’d like to slow things down, they ghost you.
This is a casual dater that hates commitment and avoids feelings at all cost. They have done it before and will never tell you anything about their past relationships or anything that’ll get them attached to you. This ghost leaves and goes to their next victim, they’re “here for a good time not a long time”.
Why do people do it?
The overall reason why people ghost is to avoid any confrontations or conversation about the relationship. People can fear what they don’t confront and ignoring it in their minds will solve it without anyone getting hurt.
Is it wrong?
It is morally wrong to completely ignore someone you were once really interested in without telling them. This coward move ruins the ghosted self-esteem and makes them question themselves if they are not as confident.
It’s ghost or be ghosted
In this 21st century, it is a constant game of being left on read or leaving them on read. Whoever holds the power and doorway to re-enter that person’s life. It is not fair, but it’s true, you have to be social enough to address it or leave it alone because that person simply is too weak to confront the problem head-on. And with pride colliding with ego, this generation is losing the romantic affection and trading it for cool points that don’t help loneliness.
What to do if you are ghosted?
If you find yourself in a ghosted situation you have two options:
Move on with life or address the issue.
There are one million fish in the sea and new people to meet every day. Do not waste your time thinking about someone that is not worried about you. Time is critical and you should spend it with people that reciprocate that positive energy. Remember, even if someone wronged you, still be that good person and never be a reflection of what hurt you.
If you were really close to the ghost and want answers, reach out and express your concerns to them. Talk about how you feel and how you want to know, the best way to get them to answer is on the phone or in person. Through a text they can make up an excuse or not even respond, catching them off guard, will give you the most authentic response for closure.